How It Really Happened
by tootsiepopgurl
Summary: What if the Elric family home didnt burn down like the show says? Oneshot...slight RoyxEd NO FLAMES! OR RENO WILL HIT YOU WITH HIS STICK!


Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Arakawa….not me.

Ed: I brought Al.

Me: -smiles- Perfect.

Al: What are we gonna do?

Me: Well, Al-who-now-has-his-body-back, you and your brother are the main characters in my story…Ed, I gave you the rundown. Al follow your brother's lead.

Al: Ok….I am so gonna regret this….

Ed: Hey, everyone! Edward Elric here! Since Conqueror of Shambala is coming out next month, Al and me decided to clear something up!

Al: Yup! What is it, brother?

Ed: It's about our house, Al.

Al: Our house?

Ed: Yea. You see, we really didn't burn it down. It was an accident.

Al: An accident? How?

Ed: It was right after you lost your body and I got my auto-mail….

_Flashback_

_Ed: Man, oh man Al… am I so damn bored!_

_Al: Your right…What do you want to do…_

_Ed: I dunno…OH! I know! I'll be right back!_

_Al: Ok…_

_-With Ed-_

_Ed was walking on the streets of Resembool. He walked down an alleyway and met some random guy there._

_Random guy: Hey Ed, what are you up to?_

_Ed: Random guy, I need some weed._

_Random guy: You have come to the right place. How much do you want?_

_Ed: Hmmmm… Three little bags should be enough._

_Random guy: You got it._

_Ed: -Laughs evilly-_

_-With Al-_

_Al was pacing, ok he was more clunking than anything else, waiting for his brother. Ed walked into the door, carrying a lighter in his auto-mail hand._

_Al: Brother! Why do you have a lighter?_

_Ed: Marijuana. We're gonna get HIGH!_

_Al: High? HIGH? Should I call Winry?_

_Ed: NO! WINRY IS A LITTLE WHORE!_

_Al: Ok….So how are we gonna get high?_

_Ed: Smoke it._

_So, Ed got Al's pott ready and gave it to his brother. Al looked at the blunt (that's what their called…I think) and then looked at his brother._

_Al: Ed? I can't smoke this._

_Ed looked at his brother and thought for a moment._

_Ed: I know! Just put it inside of you. I'm sure the fumes will get to you._

_Al: OK!_

_And Al put the blunt inside his armor. After a while the Elric brothers were quite high when…MUSTANG SHOWED UP!_

_Ed: OH MY GOD…ITS THAT GUY THAT LIKE WAS TALKING TO AUNT PINAKO WHEN LIKE I WAS UNCONSCIOUS LIKE A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO MAN…_

_Al: HES A MILITARY GUY! BROTHER I KNOW WHAT WE CAN CALL HIM?_

_Ed: What? _

_Al: MISTER MILITARY MAN!_

_Roy: Right…_

_Ed: Hey, Mister Military Man, why don't you join us in our…pott circle._

_Roy: OK!_

_Ed gave Roy a blunt and Roy started to get high when…the author snapped her fingers and…(A/N: pick someone, LINK! Link: -whispers into ear- A/N:Thanks!) SEPHIROTH FROM FF7 APPEARS!_

_Sephiroth: Who are you? Why am I here?_

_Ed: Ummmm… Wanna come and smoke some weed?_

_Sephiroth: Er… Ok._

_After a while the foursome was completely high and didn't know what to do with themselves when one of them came up with an idea!_

_Al: I know! Lets play truth or dare!_

_Ed: OK! SEPHY, LIKE YOU SHOULD SO GO FIRST!_

_Sephiroth: Don't call me "Sephy." But… ok umm…Alphonse, truth or dare?_

_Al: TRUTH!_

_Sephiroth: Ok, are you in love with Winry?_

_Al: Um… Well…I…. Um….YES! I LOVE WINRY AND I WANT TO MARRY HER!_

_Ed: Whoa…Man that's like total tabloid juice dude._

_Roy: Tabloid juice?_

_Ed: Fuck you._

_Al: My turn…Mister Military Man, truth or dare?_

_Roy: Dare!_

_Al: I dare you to sing a Disney song!_

_Roy: OK! What song?_

_Al: AND… you have to do an interpretive dance!_

_Roy: I don't dance._

_Ed: CHICKEN!_

_Roy: Grr….FINE! WHICH SONG!_

_Al: Arabian Nights from Aladdin!_

_Roy: DAMN YOU!_

_So, Roy got up and started to dance as music started to randomly play in the background and he started to sing this song that popped into my head when I woke up this morning._

_Roy: Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place_

_Where the caravan camels roam_

_Where they cut off your ear_

_If they don't like your face_

_Its barbaric, but hey its home!_

_When the winds from the east_

_And the sun from the west_

_And the sand in the glass is right_

_Come on down_

_Stop on by_

_Hop a carpet and fly_

_To another Arabian night_

_Arabian nights_

_Like Arabian days_

_More often than not_

_Are hotter than hot_

_In a lot of good ways_

_Arabian nights_

'_Neath Arabian moons_

_A fool off his guard_

_Could fall and fall hard_

_Out there one the dunes…_

_Ed: Wow, man…_

_Roy: Shut the fuck up. Ok Sephiroth, your turn, truth or dare?_

_Sephiroth: Truth man._

_Roy: Why is your hair so long?_

_Sephiroth thought about this for a moment. He cocked his head to the right then the left. Then he answered._

_Sephiroth: Don't know. I guess its all Hojo's fault. And that's the truth. I like my long, beautiful, silver hair so don't cut it! But…Edward, truth or dare?_

_Ed: Dare man, I laugh in the face of danger… HAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_Sephiroth smiled his really sexy smile (yes I think his smile in Advent Children is sexy) and looked at Mustang then at Ed._

_Sephiroth: I dare you to french kiss Mister Military Man!_

_Ed: I am so gonna regret this dude._

_Ed walked over to Mustang and got on his knees and looked at Mustang. He put his hands on Mustang's cheek and started to kiss him. Ed moved his tounge around Mustang's mouth and felt the roof of his mouth. There was only one word that came to Ed's mind: "Ew." Well, Ed had put his blunt near a curtain and the curtain caught fire. _

_Sephiroth: Do you smell smoke?_

_Ed pulled back and looked around._

_Ed: Yea… The house is on fire!_

_And the four ran out of the Elric family home. Mustang and Sephiroth looked at each other then they ran away. Ed sighed and put out his pott. Al did as well._

_Al: What do we do now brother?_

_Ed: I'll show you._

_So Ed and Al got torches and stood in front of the house so Resembool would think they burnt down their house on purpose (yea right)._

_But sometime later…._

_Hohenheim: Edward, how DID our house burn down?_

_Ed: Um….Rabid squirrels burnt it down._

_Hohenheim: Heh, yea right._

_End flashback_

Ed: And that's how it happened.

Al: Oh yea…I remember that now. I wonder whatever happened to that Sephiroth guy?

And at that very moment Sephiroth was getting his ass kicked by Cloud Strife.

Ed: Anyway…I hope you all enjoyed the truth and GO AND SEE CONQUEROR OF SHAMBALA!

Ed: -brushing his teeth- you evil bitch you…

Me: sorry Edward. I still love you.

Ed: yea right. I cant believe you made me kiss Mustang. And why did Sephiroth show up?

Me: I don't know. I was running out of ideas. So…Sephiroth belongs to the Final Fantasy people. I wish it was as funny as I hoped it to be.

Oscar: Its fine. So…anything else to say?

Me: oh yea…(spoiler ahead) R.I.P CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oscar: um…read and review or Mustang will burn you all!


End file.
